The Official Countdown: Naughty, Nice, and Everything In BetweenAs the holiday season kicks into full swing, the time has come to check off everyone’s name on your "nice" (and "naught-tay") list. While sexy gifts may not top your shopping list for your in-laws or coworkers, the market for intimate accessories has grown up—offering dazzling options that destigmatize self-pleasure and bring joy to those who enjoy the finer (and funner) things in life.

Gone are the days when these gifts came with a raised eyebrow. Today’s intimacy products are sleek, sophisticated, and designed with inclusivity in mind. Whether you’re shopping for a long-time partner, treating yourself, or surprising a friend who’s in on the joke, the options are as thoughtful as they are fun.

Why Intimacy Accessories Make Great GiftsLet’s face it: the holidays are hectic. Between crowded stores, endless work deadlines, and last-minute gift wrapping, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But that’s where the charm of intimacy accessories comes in. These gifts aren’t just about indulgence—they’re about self-care, connection, and joy.

For Your Partner: Whether it’s an AI-enhanced pleasure product or luxurious massage oils, intimacy gifts offer a unique way to prioritize connection amidst the chaos. Plus, there’s nothing like a little holiday spice to keep the season warm.

For Yourself: Tis the season to indulge! Treating yourself to a new product is the perfect way to unwind and recharge for all the festivities. Think of it as the self-care item you didn’t know you needed.

For Friends (with the Right Sense of Humor): A playful nod to self-care and modern attitudes toward pleasure, these gifts can be both cheeky and thoughtful. Just make sure your recipient has a sense of humor to match!

Destigmatizing Pleasure: A Growing TrendThe intimacy market has matured to a place where self-pleasure products are no longer niche or taboo. Brands are focusing on inclusivity, sophistication, and tech-forward designs that elevate the entire category. These products—many of which wouldn’t look out of place on a luxury gift guide—embrace pleasure as a natural and joyful part of life.

Keep Spirits Bright This Holiday SeasonWhether you’re crossing names off your naughty and nice list or looking for a way to bring a smile to your own face, intimacy accessories are a standout way to add some sparkle to the season. They’re innovative, fun, and an unexpected delight for the modern gift giver.
​
So, why not think outside the (gift) box this year? After all, the best gifts are the ones that make spirits bright—and maybe even a little naughty.

Most of us are busy day-dreaming about the final days of summer, creating lists about what to pack for their final vacation on Labor Day Weekend, running through their lists of recipes that utilize peaches, tomatoes, green beans, and corn, and wondering how long their summer tan will last. However, publicists are busy reminding their clients that if they want their gift sets included in media coverage this fall and winter, they need to get them their photo assets, price points and product descriptions, like yesterday. Many PR firms host some sort of Jolly in July or Christmas in July event to put gift sets on the radar of journalists and editors before they start planning their holiday season coverage. 

​Long Lead Editorial, like print publications run three months ahead of time, and publish the month before. November's issue comes out in October, and they finish putting the magazine together around July and August. There are of course exceptions to the rule, but usually this time of year, print publications are looking towards the end of the year, even if the summer hasn't fully wrapped. 

Because of search engines optimization and so many folks googling what to buy for their co-worker, mother-in-law, new friend, child's teacher, and everyone else on the nice and naughty list, most of gift guides are online. There could be a little more wiggle room here. Many online gift guides are written between August and December, with some coming up to the final weeks of the holiday season. 

However, for Black Friday and Cyber Monday, many journalists start tracking sales in the summer for the biggest shopping day of the year. I usually get my first request for these sales in Mid-August, and even then, that's late for media planning for holiday gift guides. 

While I'm the first one to complain when Halloween Decor comes out in stores while I'm still wearing sandals, and Christmas settings are on sale before I've made my first apple pie of the Autumn season, I'm also the first person to tell clients and brands that they should've starting thinking about holiday gift sets months ago. 

If you and your team haven't already decided what your Black Friday and Cyber Monday sale will be, make sure you finalize your Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales before you leave for Labor Day Weekend. 

My dear friend and former-client, CPA-turned-High-End Escort Mia Lee famously replied to a commentator when she was told they couldn't believe she performs sexual acts for money that "I can't believe you give blow jobs for free!" 

Mia is not my only friend who is a sex worker for a main form of income. One day I'm finally going to make good on my promise to make shirts that say "All my Friends are Sex Workers!" Through my work with various play communities, adult products, and being one of the more well-known publicists of the sex tech industry, I've met a lot of sex workers, and they're often some of my favorite friends. Most of them have flexible schedules like mine, so we can do things like take an afternoon off to see each other, freeing up my coveted nights and weekends for self-care. Also, if you've ever been friends with a dominatrix, you know they have the BEST stories to tell. It can be a godsend to have a fellow female business owner to bounce ideas off of, complain about shit clients, and get inspiration from. Sex workers are also rarely bound to society's status quo, a feature my mother always described in me as "She marches to the beat of her own drummer." Talking to friends who follow the typical Get a Job, Get Married, Quit your Job, Have Babies, Raise Babies, and Feel lost when they leave the house, it can often be discouraging to announce your wild ideas. 

Sex workers are the oldest freelance, predominately female profession. Long before the written word, women were making money from men's desires. And they should! Men often complain about women cashing in on the male gaze. But virtually all women suffer from men's sexual exploitation. Before I moved into my family-oriented neighborhood, I couldn't even go to my god-damn mailbox without being cat-called. Riding the subway, my travel companion is often a pit of fear in my stomach. I'm fully convinced that most women don't need to wear bras but the reason we do is because men can't control themselves. Now imagine every time a man put you in a position of fear because of his longing, you'd get paid? Most women could retire early before the age of 30! 

Having sex workers as friends has given me a glimpse into their insight and it's one that's changed my own mindset. 

There is a Value for your Time 
We have a tendency to think about the expenses paid, but not the value of time. Consider the example of heteronormative dating: a man takes a woman for drinks and spends $40 for two drinks. At face value, the man spent more money. Now think about the emotional labor a woman put into the date: she got ready for two hours, assuming her time is valued at $100 an hour, she spent $200 on that date. Next time you go on a date and spend hours getting ready, make sure you order what you want to order, get the second drink, and do so without guilt. The same can be applied to business. If you're working with someone and have to travel to a gig, or return samples to a client, there is a cost of your time beyond the reimbursable expenses. Sure the client is paying $40 for your Uber to an event, but what about the hour-plus of travel time? Think about the time it costs you as much as as the expense itself. 

Your Presence Deserves Compensation 
Escorts are often paid to spend time with their clients beyond just having sex. They'll travel to conventions so that their client will have a beautiful date to explore the city with when they're done with the work day. They'll be their date to weddings, or will give them something beautiful to look at during a work dinner. Women don't often think about the value of their presence, especially for shared events like dinner parties, vacations, work events. "But he's paying!" or "I got this for free!" Yes, but you look stunning which wasn't cheap to achieve, and unless you're the worlds worst date, you're likely livening up the conversation. Not to mention if you put out at the end.  You may not want to accept payment for your companionship, but don't feel guilty about requesting something for you. Maybe you want to take a dessert home with you to eat in your bath tub while watching Netflix. Or you want him to take 100 pictures until he gets the right one to update your instagram profile. This can apply to work as well: I often get asked to go to events. Sure, I may be getting a $150 ticket comped, but I'm often asked about my expertise for free. A consultation with me can run thousands of dollars. Often times, it's not worth getting ready for, traveling to, and attending an event if the only compensation is a comped ticket. 

Protect Yourself 
I often find myself wanting to say yes when I know I should say no. In the aftermath of agreeing to something that goes against my morals, values or boundaries, I often feel like shit, while the person I said yes to doesn't even realize the personal harm they caused. If you don't protect yourself, your business, your peace, your mental health, your safety, no one else will do it for you, and the other person won't even realize they crossed a line. 

No is a Complete Sentence and Rejection should be Accepted Gracefully 
This comes from the BDSM and Play communities. Women especially are raised to be people pleasers. When we set out boundaries, we often find ourselves explaining for hours why we don't want to say something. But no is a complete sentence: you can say no to anything you want or don't want to do! If someone is making you explain your decision outside of making sure they don't violate a boundary in the future, they probably don't align with your values. We're taught in play and kink communities that if someone says no, you shouldn't react negatively to the rejection. Think of those times when you declined a date with someone and they verbally or god-forbid, physically attacked you, or guilted you by turning it against you, "You're shallow," "you're a bitch," etc. When someone says no, that's a final answer and any retaliation is a reflection of the recipient of the rejection, not the one asserting their boundaries. 

Seek Out Safe[r] Spaces
There could be 1,000 rules and hoops to jump through, but if someone is a predator who wants to prey on someone, they will find a way to get in the door. What matters is what is done when boundaries or consent is violated or an assault, either verbal or physical, is committed. This doesn't just apply to queer, kink, or play spaces: conferences, work-dinners, happy hours, networking events are all places where women have felt unsafe, have experienced sexism or have been sexualized. Do the organizers care if someone was mistreated? Are they inviting known predators because of their perceived power? These are the decisions I make when deciding to attend an event for either personal or professional reasons. It's simply not worth the risk of leaving a space feeling worse about myself than when I arrived. 

There is Always Someone who Aligns with your Desires and Boundaries
A close friend once complained to me that her boyfriend didn't want to have sex with her on her period, a time when she was notoriously horny. I replied to her that she could make an Ad online and find someone who would pay for the pleasure of not only having sex with her, but also eating her out on her period. "Tell that to your boyfriend." The same goes for clients. There are clients who don't like my working style. They want a call every week, something I tell my clients will never happen without additional fees. There are publicists out there who offer weekly calls standard and they are welcome to work with one of them. Sometimes we want to work with, be friends or start a relationship with someone where the boundaries just don't align. There can be instances of friends who require certain emotional support we're not prepared to give. Or in work, certain services or requirements that I don't specialize in. It's the universe telling you they're not a person or opportunity worth your time, peace or efforts.

Know your Hourly Rate 
When a freelancer or small business owner complains about lack of money to me, the first thing I do is ask them what their hourly rate is. The way I calculate it is adding up monthly expenses: not just your current expenses but also your desired expenses like savings for future goals like a house or children, savings for emergencies, and vacation money. Once you have that number per month and multiply it by 35% to account for taxes, divide that by the amount of hours you want to work per month. This will help you understand how much time you should be putting into a client, especially those that negotiate down. If your hourly is $100 an hour and a client is paying a monthly retainer of $500, you know to stop working on them after 5 hours per month. If they want more work, well, they can pay you more. The same goes for personal time. Using the same example of $100 an hour, think about if something that saves you money that takes an hour, is it worth it. Think of driving and tolls. You can drive an extra hour to save $20 in tolls. But did you really save anything? That cost you an hour of your time, or $100 you could've made on your business, so really, it cost you $80. 

​There is a Cost for Extras
When my clients ask if I can do something they want to do themselves, but doesn't fall under my standard services, my reply is rarely "no." Instead, I say, "Yes, and the additional cost for this is XYZ." As retainer service providers, we want our clients to find value in their investment, and that can be a dangerous water for our time. If we say "yes," without fee, they may take advantage of that whether they realize they're doing it or no. My retainers come with certain services. Anything additional comes with an additional fee. My recommendation for freelancers and business owners is to create an internal services document. Think of everything you've been asked to provide that falls outside of your standard services. Now think about how much money you'd like to make to in order to execute those tasks, using your hourly rate as a guide. Add a few extra dollars to account for the taxable amount, and add it to your service document. This way, when a client asks for additional work, you are ready with the amount it will cost them before you say yes. The same goes for personal relationships. Maybe you don't want to give a blowjob, or help a friend move apartments. What is that person going to do for you to offset the additional labor? 

​You can end the Relationship Anytime you Want 
If someone is not treating you the way you want to be treated, cut them off. There are other clients, other friends, other relationships out there that better serve you. I notoriously resigned from clients because they weren't being very nice to me or respecting my work boundaries. It can be scary, especially when there's a financial component to the relationship, but it opens the door for opportunities that better serve your goals and peace. 

​Publicists and marketing aficionados alike learn how to position products early on even if you’re like me and were never formally taught. Curating a thoughtful storyline or showcasing relevant expertise requires patience, timing, skill, creativity, and commitment. 
 
Most brands and entrepreneurs have hundreds of storylines about them. Not every consumer, editor or investor will find relevance in each storyline.
 
Start by thinking about your target audience and look into the trends of those demographics. If your target is Gen Z, you’ll want to think about getting on tiktok as opposed to an email marketing campaign.
 
When thinking about how to position your brand, you’ll want to do some market research, which sounds fancy but often is just going down a google search rabbit hole.
 
Look at what other brands in your industry are doing. Visually, does it look garish and distracting? Exciting and appealing? What have they done that worked well? What would you do differently? Also look outside your industry. Think of your favorite brands and why you love them.
 
To position your brand to media is a bit of a different line of thinking. It’s basically very intense therapy where you have to ask yourself a lot of questions and be very open with yourself. When I’m working with a new client about positioning them in the media, I walk in with zero assumptions, a lot of research, and having read up on brands in the industry. I call this my Kick-off process, and I’ll walk you through it so you can do it for yourself.
 
Over the course of a two to six hour of kickoff calls, broken up into two or three sessions, I interview a brand’s founders on every aspect of the brand. I start with asking about the brand.
 
During a kickoff call: I'll cover the following topics:

• Brand history: How did the idea come about? What was the moment the founders said, “Okay let’s quit our jobs and do this,” and everything that has happened since. What were your early successes? Challenges?
• Competitive Advantage: What makes your brand better than your competitor? Why do your customers love your brand? If you don’t have customers yet, why do you think your customers will love your brand?  What has the feedback been on the products and brand?

 
Think about the product or service you’re offering. What are the goals of the product? Does it  to save a consumer time? Is it a similar quality but half the price as what’s currently on the market? Is it in a category that usually is not travel friendly but your product was designed to be compact and portable? What makes your product different and better than anything else in the market? These are your value-propositions or competitive advantages.
 
While many of us are raised not to brag, when it comes to positioning and promoting your product, now is not the time to be humble. If you don’t tell your first customers why your product is so wonderful, how are they to know to give you a chance? That said, I always advise against using terms like “best” or “first-ever”. Rarely is something ever the first. Unless you had a lengthy patent and copyright process, avoid First as a descriptor. Consumers and Media alike are immune to the word best. Best is not only subjective, it’s also a filler word that doesn’t really tell you anything about the product. Instead of using best, ask the question “Why is this the best,” and use that language instead.
 
Next I’ll move into the founders’ individual backgrounds. This is where we’ll find a lot of topics for thought leadership.
 
When telling your executive story, don’t be afraid to get raw and bare it all. It’s incredibly fucked up that when a client tells me about a personal trial like battling cancer, suing an ex-business partner, a nasty divorce, losing a loved one, or getting ripped off by a corporate conglomerate, that I have a huge smile on my face. Personal tragedies allow readers to relate to entrepreneurs and incentivize loyalty. We all love to support the underdog.   
 
Next I’ll move into the founders’ individual backgrounds. This is where we’ll find a lot of topics for thought leadership.
 
During a founder interview, I’ll ask about:

• Individual background: What personal challenges have you overcome that make you the leader you are today? Any significant moments in your childhood that lead you to where you are today?
• Professional Background: What position did you operate before you started your company? How has that professional experience helped you in your role today?

 
Ask these questions to yourself and your cofounder and record the answers. Next, spend a little time to write the potential stories up in a document so you can easily refer to it when pitching journalists.
 
Some other notes to keep in mind when creating your brand positioning:
 
Storytelling over headlines
There can be only so many articles “Introducing the latest women-led tech company.” Rather than pitching another feature with that tiresome headline, generate unique and original storylines that will pique the interest of journalists.
 
Education over sensation
Many brands with low media exposure can feel “all press is good press.” Publicists who sell that notion tend to curate the type of sensational brands that trigger negative backlash in the comments section, and sometimes even in broader published reports. Rather than curating a headlines around the price, a celebrity following, or the sensational reaction, educate the media beyond just introducing the brand. Adding education to your media strategy creates loyalty among audiences who seek brands out for their expertise beyond their product.
 
Media relationships over news blasts
Many consumer-focused PR firms have databases containing thousands of press contacts, most of whom don’t cover specific topics regularly but will gladly accept product that may sit in their office unopened for months. Often, brands are startups lacking the ability to gift 50 samples for just a couple of placements in return. Relying on media relationships to create a powerful campaign always produces more ROI than merely blasts information into cyberspace and hopes it intrigues an influential reporter or blogger. 

Executive expertise over product placements
Googling “best [CATEGORY] products” reveals to anyone with an eye the top journalists and writers featuring your industry’s products. Merely placing a product in a roundup of “Ways to get high at a summer festival” doesn’t spotlight the brand as much as coming up with topics and commentary points for executives that fit into news cycles. Think about topics that you’d love to be interviewed about. Think about insight that only you have through your unique experience.

Media Relations can have a number of results in the form of coverage. There's Let’s take a deep dive into the client- and publicist-favorite type of coverage: the full feature.
 
A full feature about a company or individual can have a variety of angles. I estimate that each brand I’ve spoken with has about twenty-five to one-hundred-twenty-five stories that have the potential to become news coverage.
 
While the topic of a full feature vary, they typically follow a similar format.
 
There’s usually a headline and sub-headline meant to drive clicks across social media platforms. It’s common that the journalist writing the story doesn’t create the headline. Often these are editors and web directors who brainstorm a title that will bring in the most readers and can often be splashier than the story itself.
 
The starting paragraph includes a hook to draw readers in. If the feature is about a product, this hook will be a common problem many experience that the product solves. For entrepreneurial profiles, the hook could be be a compelling story that explains why the founder created their product.
 
Middle sections of a full feature often start broad and get more precise about the subject. A full feature answers Who, What, When, Where, Why and How to readers. The biggest question answered is “Why is this relevant to you.”
 
For every statement made, there often needs to be supporting evidence. This can come in the form of outside experts or customer testimonials. It is also common practice for the journalist to insert their opinion, especially about a product, on the subject.
 
The conclusion of a full feature is almost-always a snappy quote from the subject that finishes the thought while giving readers something else to think about.
 
Littered throughout a full feature are often images of the subject, either taken by the magazine or provided by the brand. It’s rare for full-features to not include images. If given the opportunity to have your picture taken by an outlet, I rarely advise against it. You’ll often be photographed by more expensive photographers than you could afford and who know how to help you pose for the desired imagery of the story. In these sessions, photographers will take hundreds of photos but only publish a handful. After that, brands can often license the unused images at start-up friendly rates.
 
When my clients get a full feature, I’m usually taking my next call from the line at the liquor store, buying a bottle of champagne to celebrate the achievement.

When most startups think about Public Relations, they think about press media coverage in magazines, newspapers and similar caliber online platforms. The process to garnering organic—without advertising costs—news coverage in these media outlets with a positive tone, is media relations. The general consensus on definition of media relations is the informing of journalists, editors and producers about a brand, company or entrepreneur in efforts to produce organic media coverage in a positive light. When a company stays on the radar of journalists and editors through email updates [pitches], in person meetings, event activations that bring the meaning of your brand to life, the press will remember your name in a way that they will continue to feature your brand.

The name media relations can be misleading, because some press coverage comes with little to no relationships at all. A journalist can write about the brand from research on their website and social media, quoting past newsletters or videos, and even writing a secondary report of an interview a founder did in another publication. 

That said, media relations, when done right, can produce consistent press coverage over time with minimum effort to maintain. 

Some publicists and brand founders doing their own PR may reach out to a journalist once, work with them on a story, and then never speak to them again. Now, some journalists won't revisit a certain topic. However, by ignoring the opportunity to foster a relationship with a journalist who was interested enough in a brand to feature it once, you're leaving press coverage getting cold on the table. 

Now as a sex publicist, you know I have a lewd comparison to drive this point home. Think of going on a first date. If your goal is to have sex, we know from hook up rates that it's very likely that you will succeed. However, focusing on sex, rather than a person themselves, may leave them feeling without a real connection to continue seeing you in any capacity, let alone intimately, leaving the total times you have sex with that person at one. Now think about first dates when your focus is on getting to know someone. You may not have sex on the first or second date. But especially in the case of those first dates that turn into long-term relationships, the frequency of sex is higher when sex isn't the primary goal. 

The same goes for press relationships. When you're incessant for coverage with a journalist or editor, they may follow through with the interest just to get you off their back. The experience may leave a taste in their mouths that prevents you from having future pitches accepted. Rather, if you're gracious in your timeline, and think about being informative rather than begging for press, there's a greater chance your target media will enjoy working with you instead of dreading it. 

Patience over pushing is always appreciated in press relationships. I don't really care if a journalist I connect with over a client wants to feature my client or not right away. They may have six other commissions to finish up before they can consider pitching an editor a new story. I'd rather work with their schedule. Keep them updated on my client, and maybe even reduce consistency as to not clog their inbox. When they're ready for my client, I am there with bells on with an available interview time, links to recent pictures from the client, and if it's a product brand, offering samples of recent launches. Think of your friendships. If you've had a moment in your life when you're unavailable to make plans with friends, you appreciate the friends who graciously acknowledge your boundaries rather than the ones begging you to change your mind. 

When you focus on relationships over one-off media coverage, you build a network of journalists and editors who love a brand or product. Each relationship may have multiple opportunities to cover your company in some capacity. A commerce editor is always looking for affiliate-friendly brands to feature. If you have a plethora of products, you could have sever placements per month from a single journalist. I'd estimate for each month of media relations efforts, you could have one to five new journalists interested in a brand. That interest turns to interviews or product sampling which usually leads to feature coverage. Now after averaging three new relationships per month, after three months, there's almost 10 people who want to feature a brand when they can. Over six months that number is closer to 20. If each journalist can feature a brand one to two times a year, after once year, that could lead to 160 stories a year to follow if the relationships are maintained. Most people spend time with more than one person: Holidays with family, vacations with sweethearts or college friends, happy hours and lunches with colleagues both current and former. Just as you wouldn't expect one friend to be responsible for all your plans throughout a year, having more relationships with journalists will keep your brand busy in the press and maximize individual efforts. 

How long will you take to see results? I usually anticipate that after six to eight months of dedicated media relations outreach, brands will see consistent placements, ranging from two to eight or even more, per month. This varies based on the brand of course. A brand with a single product may not have as many opportunities as brands with multiple product categories. Medical devices, pharmaceutical products and supplements will have a longer timeline to receive consistence, about three extra months, since these topics can be harder for publications to greenlight often due to legal red tape or content restrictions. 

You’ll know when your media relations efforts are bearing fruit when journalists and editors want to repeat feature your brand or your insights. My clients are often surprised when they’re speaking to a journalist again, even though I make sure to cover that expectation and explain the goal of our media relations. With strong outreach strategy, media relations will yield opportunities from new and known journalists and editors. There of course will be time where there are lulls, but that is natural for any organic strategy.

The biggest mistake publicist and entrepreneurs doing their own PR make is treating a journalist as if their only job is to write about them or their client.

Like your personal friends, Media relations is a two-way street. You wouldn’t ask for something over and over again without reciprocation. And you want to make your communications about more than what you want from them. Acknowledge the moments in their life: did they get married? Experience a loss? Buy a house? Write a book? Take time to congratulate and comfort when you can. You wouldn’t ask a friend to help you move if you forgot to send your condolences when their dog recently died.

Be respectful of their time; there is a person behind every headline. Some writers cover other industries, and sometimes are covering breaking news while your industry is stable. Think of healthcare and travel writers during the pandemic or political reporters amidst election season. You wouldn’t push for sex from someone who just gave birth, got in a car accident or lost a parent. The same is for a journalist during a busy time. Instead, offer any support. Maybe they need a source that you might know, or a strong drink after work.

Once it’s established, show deference to each relationship by personalizing your interactions. Journalists and editors aren’t mean: they understand that for large company news you aren’t going to write 100 separate emails. But if you take time to send someone who wrote a great profile about you a personalized one-off here and there, they’ll see you care about them as more than an email address on an excel spreadsheet.

Sometimes a journalist or editor will inform you that they won't be able to cover your company; maybe they just featured. your brand or they plan to visit your industry in a long-form special package in coming months and don't want to dilute the content. If your company has a new launch, partnership, or executive move, you should still keep that person updated, especially if they have published you before. Their once-stated rules may only apply to evergreen stories, which that is not. Even if they can't cover you, they'll usually appreciate the opportunity to celebrate your news. 

Relationships with press are relationships with all people.​ When built genuinely, respected, and nurtured, can maximize results of pitching and storytelling efforts.